The Family Support Council, Inc.
P.O. Box 1707, Dalton, Georgia 30722-1707
Serving Whitfield and Murray Counties in Northwest Georgia
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The Family Support Council, Inc. P.O. Box 1707, Dalton, Georgia 30722-1707 Serving Whitfield and Murray Counties in Northwest Georgia |
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"Ask Mr. Bartley" (A reprint of the bi-monthly "Ask Mr. Bartley" column in the Daily Citizen News, Dalton, Georgia) Tom Bartley is a retired educator and currently is the director of the Success By 6 Program, located at the Family Support Council, 1529 Waring Road in Dalton. He can be reached at P.O. Box 1707, Dalton, Georgia 30722 or successby6@email.com March 2010 About 50% of all marriages end in divorce; and in many of those, children are involved. To be sure their kids grow up to be emotionally and physically healthy, it is critically important for divorced parents to continue to parent as a team. To make shared parenting work for the kids, it helps if each parent is tuned in to his or her children's individual and developmental needs. Certainly, many children survive divorce and emerge as emotionally healthy adults. Some, however, do not. The most important factor in a child’s adjustment to divorce is how parents handle the entire process. In fact, the single most powerful influence on children’s adjustment to divorce is the amount of parental conflict children witness. The more conflict the children see and hear and the longer it continues, the less likely they are to have a positive adjustment. Parents have tremendous control over the way their children handle life after divorce. By cooperating with each other, parents are establishing a life pattern their children can carry into the future. Following are some important considerations:
To co-parent successfully, you must maintain a positive attitude. If you see your ex as your child's other parent, rather than as your enemy, you stand a much better chance of making co-parenting work. Don't focus on every negative comment your children make about the other parent when they're with you. Check your attitude. Do you secretly relish these comments because you can't stand your ex and hope your kids support your view? Are you in competition with your ex for the kids' loyalty? Unless your children are saying something very disturbing about the other parent (physical or mental abuse, alcohol or drug abuse), any negative comments your children might make are often best taken with a grain of salt. Don't blow such comments out of proportion, and remember, your children might resent and distrust you if you cheer them on. Also, keep in mind that children are very good at manipulation in order to get what they want. On the other hand, be realistic. Don't overcompensate for your negative feelings toward your ex by bending over backward to paint him or her as perfect. Nothing in life is all good or all bad, so how could it be that way for your children's experience at either home? Children should understand that there will be fun times and boring times, happy times and angry times with each parent. In any case, portraying your ex as all good will have a false ring to your kids. (“If you like dad/mom so much, why did you two split up?”) Keep any angry feelings you have toward your ex-spouse between you, your therapist if you have one, your friends, or your family. Put a lid on your anger when you're with your kids. Sometimes anger comes out indirectly through a negative attitude towards things related to your ex-spouse. This might be confusing and potentially damaging to your kids. It's important to identify unconscious attitudes that you might not realize you express, because your kids' radar will pick them up. Remember kids are perceptive, and they can easily read body language and tone of voice. Both parents have the responsibility of providing the best possible environment for their children’s upbringing. You won’t agree on everything. That’s true even of parents who are not divorced. However, if you are truly dedicated to the goal of raising your children with as little stress and anxiety as possible and as much happiness and self-esteem as possible, then you absolutely MUST work together for the well-being of your children. Your motto as a parent should be: “If I hurt my child’s other parent, I hurt my child.” What's your attitude toward your ex? Here's a quick quiz to find out. If you answer “Yes” to two or more of the following items, you probably hate your ex more than you love your children; and you need an attitude adjustment!
At the Family Support Council, we have a class on “Cooperative Parenting and Divorce” for divorced, divorcing, or separated parents. If you think you might be interested in the class or just want more information, please call our office. January 2010 With 2010 just beginning, the following are tips for a healthier, happier New Year for your kids from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). Prevent violence by setting good examples – Demonstrate and teach displays of affection, attention, and how to say “I’m sorry,” and how to ask for, give, and accept forgiveness. All of these promote love and good will and reduce the likelihood of violence, aggression, and negative and destructive words and behaviors. Set limits for your children by letting them know what's expected, and noticing when they meet your expectations. Celebrate their successes with them. Try to avoid hitting, slapping, shaking, or spanking. Your children may copy you and think that it is OK to hit and hurt other people. Read, talk, and sing to your child every day - Start from infancy. Reading to children motivates them to become readers. It shows them the importance of communication and benefits their language development, thinking skills, and intellectual development. It provides a context to discuss issues and learn what is on your child's mind. It also provides an opportunity to “bond” with your child and build a closer more loving relationship. Monitor your children's "media" - Monitor very carefully what your children see and hear on television, in movies, in music, and on the Internet. Children are affected by what they see and hear, particularly in these times of violent images. If you feel that a movie or TV program is inappropriate, redirect them to more suitable programming. Be informed of what your children see or hear when visiting friends. Limit the amount of TV your child watches. Do not use the TV as a babysitter. Provide your child with a tobacco-free environment - Second-hand tobacco smoke increases ear infections, chest infections, respiratory problems, and even Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. If you smoke, consider quitting. Remember, your child loves you and will copy you - if you smoke, your children may grow up to be smokers too. Make your home and car smoke-free zones. Practice "safety on wheels" - Make sure everyone in the car is buckled up for every ride, with children in the back seat in age-appropriate child safety seats. All bikers, skaters, and skateboarders should wear helmets and other appropriate sports gear. Do a "childproofing" survey of your home - A child's-eye view home-survey should systematically go from room to room, removing all the "booby traps" that await the curious toddler or preschooler. Think of poisons, small objects, sharp edges, knives and firearms, and places to fall. Help kids understand tobacco, alcohol, and the media - Help your teenager understand the difference between the misleading messages in advertising and the truth about the dangers of using alcohol and tobacco products. Talk about ads with your child. Help your child understand the real messages being conveyed. Help direct your child toward TV shows and movies that do not glamorize the use of tobacco, alcohol and other drugs. Make sure immunizations are up to date - Review your child's immunization record with his or her health care provider. Make sure your child is current on recommended immunizations. Pay attention to nutrition - Nutrition makes a big difference in how kids grow, develop and learn. Good nutrition is a matter of balance. Provide foods from several food groups at each meal. Emphasize foods that are less processed, such as whole grain breads and cereals and fresh fruits and vegetables. Become more involved in your child's school and your child's education - Visit your child's school, and find out how parents can help. Whether you become active in the parent-teacher organization or volunteer in the school, parent involvement matters. Your child will notice how important education is to you. Make your children feel loved and important - Kids develop a sense of self-worth early in life. Listen to what your children have to say. Assure them frequently that they are loved and safe. Celebrate their individuality, and tell them what makes them special. Recognize every effort and increment of progress and improvement your children make. Do not compare siblings. Understand your child’s behaviors and emotions. Recognize that “hidden agendas” like acting up may be a cry for attention and help and not doing homework may be a sign of distraction, lack of understanding, or learning problems. December 2009 With Christmas fast approaching, it’s important to remember that there are millions of toys out there, and hundreds of new ones hit the store shelves each year. Toys are supposed to be fun and are an important part of any child's development. But it's sobering to learn that more than 200,000 children in the United States are treated in hospital emergency departments for toy-related injuries - and some of them die.
Toy manufacturers follow certain guidelines and label most new toys for specific age groups. But perhaps the most important thing you can do - beyond reading labels and inspecting toys carefully - is to supervise your child.
When buying a new toy, always read labels to make sure the toy is appropriate for your child's age. You may think that because your child seems mature for his or her age, he or she can handle a toy that was meant for an older child. However, you're not doing your child a favor by buying a toy for an advanced age group. Remember, the age-appropriate level for a toy is determined by safety factors.
Always look for toys that appear to be well constructed and that clearly include age recommendations on the labels. Toys made of fabric should be labeled as flame resistant or flame retardant. Stuffed toys should be washable. All toys should be painted with lead-free paint, and art materials (including crayons) should say nontoxic somewhere on their packaging.
Also, if a new toy is shrink-wrapped, be sure to immediately discard the plastic wrapping after opening the toy for the first time. Small children, especially toddlers, may look at plastic wrap as something new and fun to play with and put it into their mouths and choke. Holiday gift wrapping, ribbons, and bows can be hazards as well.
Following are some age-specific guidelines to keep in mind.
For infants, toddlers, and preschoolers: Look for toys that are sturdy and well made. Children this age like to pull and twist toys and often try to put them in their mouths. Make sure that eyes, noses, buttons, and other parts that could break off are securely attached. Check toy cars to make sure wheels are on tight.
Avoid buying toys intended for older children that may have small parts and pose a choking hazard. Make sure squeeze toys, rattles, and teethers are large enough - even if squeezed down into a smaller, compressed shape - to avoid becoming lodged in your baby's mouth or throat.
Regularly inspect your child's toys to make sure they are not broken or do not have broken seams where small removable parts (such as squeakers in squeeze toys) could be exposed.
Avoid toys with cords or long strings. These present a strangulation hazard to very young children, as cords or strings can get wrapped around the neck. Never hang a toy around a toddler's neck. Also, never hang toys with long strings or ribbons in a playpen where children could get entangled in them.
Don't give your child uninflated or broken balloons. Inflated latex balloons present a choking hazard if they pop. Mylar balloons are much less likely to break, but even these can represent a hazard to young children. If you want to use balloons at a child's party or celebration, don't let children blow up the balloons themselves, and be sure to deflate and put away all balloons (or dispose of balloon pieces) afterward. Always supervise children while they play with balloons.
Avoid marbles, coins, balls, and games with balls that are 1.75 inches (4.4 centimeters) in diameter or less because they present choking hazards.
Avoid thin plastic toys that might break into small pieces and leave jagged edges that could cut your child.
For grade-schoolers:
If you buy your child a bicycle, scooter, skateboard, or inline skates, purchase a helmet that meets current safety standards and other recommended safety equipment (such as hand, wrist, and knee guards). Teach your child how to wear equipment properly.
Be aware that balloons are a choking hazard for children up to the age of 8. Don't let your child play with uninflated or broken balloons.
Toy darts or arrows used by children should have soft tips or suction cups at the end. These toys should never have hard points that could cause facial (especially eye) injuries.
Toy guns are required to be brightly colored so they cannot be mistaken for a real weapon, and children should be taught to never point darts, arrows, or a gun at anyone.
BB guns or pellet rifles can kill - in fact, they cause about 4 deaths each year. Children younger than 16 years of age should not use these items.
Electric toys must meet certain safety standards for construction and wiring. Look for labeling that states the toy is UL (Underwriters Laboratories) approved. Adult supervision is always advisable with the use of any electric toys. Toys with heating elements are recommended only for children older than 8 years of age.
The most important thing you can do to ensure your child's safety is to supervise your child while he or she is playing with a toy, even if the item is recommended for your child's age group. Remember that injuries to children can be prevented most of the time with the use of safe toys and proper supervision. Playing with your child also gives you the opportunity to teach play safety while you're having fun and enjoying time together.
And finally, keep in mind that the best products on the market are not necessarily the most expensive, the flashiest, or the “fad” toys that will be all but forgotten in a few months. Choose toys that inspire your child's imagination, and avoid those that promote violence, reinforce negative stereotypes, or limit your child's natural creativity. Often the simplest toys - the ones that don't "do" anything - are the ones that will inspire your child’s creativity and that he will love for years to come. November 2009 Millions of parents will pause this Thanksgiving to do what the day was created for – to give thanks for the many blessings that exist in their lives. Turkey, pumpkin pie, and especially the presence of loved ones surely will receive their fair share of gratitude. Many parents will also give thanks for their children's health, their health, and perhaps the arrival of a newborn. The abundance provided to us in this country, opportunities for meaningful work, and the laughter of children will be acknowledged with thanks by loving parents as they thank the Creator for their many blessings. Indeed, this traditional holiday does, indeed, call for the traditional thank-you’s. But what if your appreciation this year took on a new look? What if the blessings you counted included situations that aren't usually regarded as helpful, useful or valuable? Consider the following. Why not be thankful that your child is behind his grade level in reading ability? This struggling reader is giving you the opportunity to read to him regularly at night. This evening ritual will help build connectedness between you and your child while at the same time modeling your love for the printed word. Great literature like The Little Engine That Could or Make Way for Ducklings can be shared as you simultaneously bond with your child. This opportunity can be an incredible blessing. Appreciate it. Why not be thankful that your daughter's soccer team lost their last game? It is important that your children have experiences of both winning and losing. By losing, children have the opportunity to learn to handle defeat and bounce back the next time. With your help, they can learn that winning or losing is not the measure of who and what they are as human beings. They can learn they are more than the score. They can learn that it's effort, energy, and playing up to potential with good sportsmanship that defines a winner, not the scoreboard. Appreciate the opportunity the loss brings and be grateful for it. Why not be thankful that your teenager received a speeding ticked for going 45 mph in a 25 mph speed zone? Getting a ticket is not necessarily a bad thing…not if your teen learns from it and slows down her driving. If she takes personal responsibility, pays the ticket, and is more cautious about her driving, the ticket may well save her life or the life of someone else in the future. Bless the ticket and give thanks for its blessings. Why not be thankful that your 8-year-old shoplifted in the grocery store? This is the perfect time to teach your child about shoplifting. Better now than when he helps himself to someone else's car when he is 18. Teach him how to make amends. Teach him what to say as he returns the candy bars to the storeowner. Help him learn to articulate what he learned and what he intends to do differently next time. Bless this perfect time to teach lessons about taking things that don't belong to you. Be grateful for the opportunity. Why not be thankful that your youngsters track mud and sand into the garage and house? The next time you stand in the garage furiously sweeping sand and wishing that your children were better behaved; quietly remind yourself that one day you'll wish you had sand to sweep out of the garage. Love the mud. Love the sand. Be grateful for the signs of the presence of children in your life. Why not be thankful for sibling rivalry? "He got more than I did" and "It isn't fair" are common childhood refrains. Hitting, poking and teasing your sister are typical childhood behaviors. Bless these opportunities to help your children learn how to get along with each other. Use them as times to teach interpersonal skills and the importance of touching each other gently. Sibling rivalry can be a signal that your children need lessons on how to interact positively with each other. Bless their unskillful way of asking for help. Be grateful that you recognize it and help them grow in working and playing cooperatively. Why not be thankful that you got to stay home with a sick child last week? You didn't have to stay home. You got to stay home. You didn't have to take him to the doctor. You got to take him to the doctor. You got to make sure he received the health care he needed. You got to show him you care enough to drive all over town to the doctors, the pharmacists, and back home again. You got to be with your child while he was sick. Not everyone gets to be with their children when they are sick. If you did, chalk it up as a blessing. Celebrate it. Why not be thankful that your adolescent asked you about oral sex? This is a great sign. It means your child trusts you enough to talk to you about sex. It means she is not getting all her sex knowledge from the street. It means you have been taking your role as sex educator in your family seriously and that you have moved beyond "the talk" to having an ongoing, honest conversation about the important subject of sex. Congratulate yourself. It is a blessing that you are willing to fulfill that role for your child and that she is responding to it positively. Give thanks. Why not be thankful that your 22-year-old has moved out of your home? Did you really want to raise a 30-year-old Nintendo player who sits around your house all day sucking up Coke and pizza? Hardly! Your goal was to raise a responsible, caring, confident child who would move away from home when the time was right for her. You have been successful. Pat yourself on the back. Yes, it would nice if she had chosen to spend this Thanksgiving with you rather than with her boyfriend's parents…but maybe next year. This year give thanks. Your child is a responsible adult. That is a blessing. Why not give thanks that your child is spilling milk, talking with his mouth full, wiping his hands on his new pants, refusing to eat his vegetables, and interrupting his grandmother at the dinner table? It means you have more work to do as a parent. It means your job is not yet done. This is a blessing. You are still needed to help your child learn to pour milk more carefully, improve his table manners, learn to eat nutritiously, and show respect for elders. Give thanks for these opportunities. Why not be thankful for your special-needs child? Do you have a child with ADHD? Is your son autistic or dyslexic? Does your daughter have Down's syndrome? Is your child facing a serious health challenge? Your children are in your life for a reason. Perhaps God sent them to help you learn patience, understanding, or commitment. Perhaps they are here to teach your family about tolerance, acceptance of differences, or unconditional love. Their presence is a blessing. Be thankful for the contribution they are making to the world and to your family. This holiday season remember that parenting is a ministry. It is a sacred role that you are being called to perform. Give thanks that you have been called. Give thanks that you are willing to step forward and accept that call. Appreciate that you are being shown the way. Celebrate yourself and your contribution to healing the planet by helping your children evolve into the people they were meant to be. You are a blessing to the world. Give thanks that you are up to the task. This article was written by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more information about how you can better meet your parenting needs, visit their websites: www.chickmoorman.com or www.thomashaller.com. October 2009 From the candy to the costumes, Halloween is a fun-filled time for kids and parents alike. But it's also a holiday that can pose dangers to young revelers. To help make this year's festivity a trick-free treat, follow these simple safety tips: Adorning Your Little Goblins Choose a light-colored costume and add glow-in-the-dark tape to the front and back of the costume so your child can be easily seen. Don't buy a costume unless it's labeled "flame-retardant." This means the material won't burn. Make sure wigs and beards don't cover your child's eyes, nose, or mouth. Don't let your child wear a mask. Masks can make it difficult for kids to see and breathe. Instead, use nontoxic face paint or makeup. Have younger children draw pictures of what they want to look like. Older children will have fun putting the makeup on themselves. Put a name tag - with your phone number - on your child's costume. Avoid oversized and high-heeled shoes that could cause your child to trip. Avoid long or baggy skirts, pants, or shirt sleeves that could catch on something and cause falls. Make sure that any props your child carries, such as wands or swords, are flexible. Pumpkin-Carving Precautions Clean up your mess. Pumpkin flesh is slippery and can cause falls and injuries when dropped on the floor. Layer newspaper or old cloths under your carving workspace, and clean up spills right away so no one slips or trips. Don't let children handle knives. Have them draw their designs on the face of the pumpkin with a black marker - then you do the carving. And make sure you're using a sharp knife or a mini-saw that's pointed away from your body. Keep kids at a safe distance while you're carving the pumpkin, so that they don't distract you or get in the way of sharp objects. Remove pumpkin guts safely. If your child begs to remove the guts of the pumpkin - as many kids do - don't hand over a knife to do it. Instead, let your child get messy by scooping out pumpkin flesh with his or her hands or an ice cream scoop. Skip the candles. A burning candle in a pumpkin may become a blazing fire if left unattended. Instead, use a glow stick (available in many colors) to safely illuminate your jack-o'-lantern. Trouble-Free Trick-or-Treating Consider purchasing Halloween treats other than candy. Stickers, erasers, crayons, pencils, and sealed packages of raisins and dried fruits are good choices. Accompany young children (ages 10 and under) on their rounds. With children older than 10, plan and review their route in advance. Agree on a specific time when they should return home. Remind them to stay in a group. Obtain flashlights with fresh batteries for all children and escorts. Limit trick-or-treating to your neighborhood and the homes of people you and your child know. When your child gets home, check all treats to make sure they're safely sealed and there are no signs of tampering, such as small pinholes, loose or torn packages, and packages that appear to have been taped or glued back together. Throw out loose candy and any homemade treats that haven't been made by someone you know. Don't allow young children to have hard candy or gum that could cause choking. Carry a mobile phone for quick communication. Home Safe Home Remove lawn decorations, sprinklers, toys, bicycles, or anything that might obstruct your walkway. Provide a well-lit outside entrance to your home. Keep family pets away from trick-or-treaters, even if they seem harmless to you. Wet leaves should be swept away from sidewalks and steps.
Gobbling Down Halloween Goodies · hard candy, especially suckers and jawbreakers - they dissolve slowly, coat teeth with sugar, and can chip teeth and cause choking · sticky candy - caramels, taffy, and gummy candies can be harmful to braces, retainers, and fillings, and can get trapped between dental work. Plain chocolate pieces aren't as hazardous to dental work and are easier to brush away. · regular bubble gum - it circulates cavity-causing sugars throughout the mouth and teeth and can also be harmful to dental work. Instead, offer sugar-free gum to help reduce tooth decay and cavities. Take these quick and easy precautions to help your little ghosts and goblins have a hauntingly happy and safe Halloween. (From Kids Health Website) September 2009 Child abuse and neglect continue to be terrible problems, especially in the current economy where stress often causes parents to take their frustrations out on each other and on their children. Abuse can be physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, or through neglect. Abuse happens in all kinds of families and in all cultural, ethnic, and income groups. Each year in Georgia, there are approximately 31,000 confirmed cases. Nationally, each year more than 4 children die each day as a result of abuse. The youngest children are at greatest risk: 79% of abuse is to children under age 6, and about half of those are children ages 3 and under. In about 90% of these cases, the abuse occurs in the home; 83% of abuse is by the child’s biological parent. Homicide is the leading cause of death among children under age 5 in the United States. Child abuse is too frequent and too often hidden. Approximately one-third of sexual abuse cases involve children 6 years of age or younger. In the United States, as many as one out of 6 boys and one out of every 4 girls are sexually abused before turning 18. The child senses that the abuse is wrong but may feel trapped by the affection he/she feels for the abuser or fearful of the power the abuser has over him/her, so he/she doesn’t tell. In school, abused and neglected children exhibit inappropriate behavior in peer and adult relationships, poor initiative, poor language skills, and other developmental delays. Victims of childhood abuse and neglect are at increased risk for alcoholism, drug abuse, depression, eating disorders, suicide, and sexual promiscuity. These children are more likely to be arrested as juveniles and more likely to be arrested for violent crimes. More than three-fourths of the prison population suffered abuse as children. Abuse victims are 6 times more likely to abuse their own children. Child abuse is against the law. Every child has the right to be loved, treasured, protected, and nurtured in a safe and healthy environment; and keeping children safe is everybody’s business. Child protective agencies cannot do it alone. As concerned relatives, friends, acquaintances, and neighbors, there are many things we can do to help prevent child abuse and neglect before it ever occurs. Following are some suggestions. Befriend struggling parents. Ask how their children are doing. Draw on your own experiences to provide reassurance and support. Offer baby-sit, run errands, or just lend a friendly ear to listen. Show you understand. · Give your used clothing, furniture and toys for use by a struggling family. This can help relieve the stress of financial burdens that parents sometimes take out on their kids. · Be aware of characteristics of families in which abuse may be more likely to occur: families who are isolated and have few friends, relatives, or other support systems; parents who tell you they were abused as children; families in crisis or under a lot of stress (money problems, move often); parents who abuse alcohol or drugs; parents who are very critical of their child and who use rigid discipline; and parents who show too much or too little concern for their child. · Make a donation to an organization that works to prevent child abuse. You can donate money, clothing, diapers, food, toys, or your time. It is important to be able to recognize the warning signs of child abuse in children. These signs may include nervousness or fear around adults; aggression toward adults or other children; inability to stay awake or to concentrate for extended periods; sudden, dramatic changes in personality or activities; acting out sexually or showing interest in sex that is not age appropriate; frequent or unexplained bruises or injuries; low self-esteem; poor hygiene; intense anger or rage; being self-destructive, self-abusive, or suicidal; and/or feeling sad, passive, or withdrawn. If you suspect abuse, it is your responsibility to report it by calling the Department of Family and Children’s Services and giving them the name and location of the child. If necessary your report will be confidential. If you believe a child is in immediate danger, call the police department, sheriff’s office, or 911. If you think you are in danger of abusing your own children, there are some simple things you can do. Put your hands behind your back, take 10 (or more) deep breaths, remove yourself from the room, splash cold water in your face, sing your favorite song, call a friend or relative, or call Prevent Child Abuse Georgia’s Hotline at 1-800-CHILDREN. You should also take a parenting class, join a parent support group, and/or get counseling. We must not allow our children to continue to be trapped in a horrendous situation that maims physically and causes deep and profound emotional scarring that is virtually impossible to completely overcome. We MUST make child abuse prevention a priority. Please do your part to help turn the tide on this insidious epidemic. If you would like information on parenting classes and support classes, please contact the Family Support Council. August 2009 Calling autism an "urgent public health issue," the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reported in early 2007 that about 1 in 150 children in the United States is diagnosed with the developmental disorder — a higher rate than health officials had previously thought. Now, in an effort to help detect autism as early as possible, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) is urging doctors to routinely screen all children for red flags of autism at 18 and 24 months old. Subtle symptoms of the common disorder are often present before a child's first birthday — sometimes even in early infancy — but often go unnoticed until the symptoms are more obvious to parents, usually when a child is between 15 and 36 months old. However, the AAP hopes to change that by making moms and dads more aware of some common warning signs that include:
Though there's no cure for autism, getting help as early as possible is crucial to helping kids cope with the condition, learn, and communicate. Many autistic children grow up to become successfully functioning adults. Numerous famous people such as Beethoven, Mozart, Einstein, Charles Darwin, Lewis Carroll, Hans Christian Andersen, and Thomas Jefferson are suspected to have been on the autism spectrum. More common in boys than girls (1 in 94 boys is on the autism spectrum), autism is a disorder that can affect the way a child behaves, thinks, communicates, and interacts with others — some kids have only mild symptoms, whereas others are more severe. Although it may seem like more kids are getting autism today, it's unclear whether the increased numbers mean that the disorder is actually on the rise. Why? For one, a broader definition of autism can be applied to more children who show varying degrees of symptoms. Plus, health professionals are becoming increasingly more aware of the condition, which has led to more diagnoses. All of the media attention about autism has made parents more informed and more worried, sometimes unnecessarily, about autism. Although it's important to be aware of possible warning signs, it's also wise to keep things in perspective — there's a wide range of what is normal, and all children develop at different rates. Although most signs or slight delays will not end up being an indication of a bigger problem, still, if you're concerned about any aspect of your child's development, talk to your doctor for information, advice, and possibly reassurance — and the earlier, the better. And do not "wait and see" about any of your developmental concerns. You're the best judge of your child's well-being — so, if you feel like something really isn't right, don't hesitate to request a referral to a specialist for a more detailed evaluation. May 2009 Tough Times If you're a parent with money worries…and there are many of us now in these difficult economic times…life can be very tough. You might need time to earn extra money, work on your finances, or just unwind from a draining, demanding day. But your kids still need your attention, and they may have worries of their own. How can you parent well when times are tough? Consider some steps that can support your family and preserve your own health and well-being. Limit kids' exposure to worries. Try not to talk too much about your own fears when the kids are listening, and consider turning off the TV news. You may think your 5-year-old tunes out adult topics, but he may hear just enough to spark his active imagination and fears. Share honestly but appropriately. Secrets can be scary. You certainly don't want to overwhelm your child with information, but it's probably best to share some of your family's financial situation. Take a reassuring approach by pointing out any areas you know are stable, such as staying in the same school despite any other changes. Economize in a way that's clear and fair. If you need to scale back on your children's after-school activities, letting them pick from a few options may decrease their disappointment. You might also consider less-expensive options as well. And don't forget to show kids that you're cutting back on some of your own “extras” too. Keep predictability high. Kids like routine. Make sure your child's schedule includes exercise to burn off energy, soothing nighttime activities, and, above all, some special time with you. Children crave attention, and if they're not getting it in positive ways they may get it by acting out. Let kids contribute. Even little kids can help around the house to ease your load. They also can donate old clothes or toys to a local shelter. Helping out others builds self-esteem and a child's sense of effectiveness in the world. Take a breather. Let's face it: Raising kids can be a ton of work. If you feel that your stress is affecting your ability to be kind and gentle, go off somewhere to regain your composure. Don't let your kids feel it's their fault you're having a bad moment. Set aside “me” time. You're probably working hard at work and then working hard at home. If you don't refuel somehow, you're going to run out of steam. Get enough rest, squeeze in a little fun, and maybe take just 10 minutes to connect with friends. Learn more about some simple ways to take care of yourself and boost your emotional strength at www.LiveYourLifeWell.org. Get help if you need it. If you're having trouble parenting, or dealing with any of your other day-to-day responsibilities, a mental health professional can help you learn new coping skills. Some other sources for getting help include your primary care doctor, clergy member, or family and friends. If your child is showing signs of stress like trouble sleeping, headaches, or acting sullen or angry, you also can talk with a school psychologist or guidance counselor. For more information or referrals to local services, dial 2-1-1 or go to. Call the Family Support Council at 706-272-7919 for parenting information. If you or someone you know is in crisis now, seek help immediately. Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) to reach a 24-hour crisis center or dial 9-1-1 for immediate assistance. For mental health information, go online to www.mentalhealthamerica.net/go/faqs. January 2009 With 2009 just beginning, the following are tips for a healthier, happier New Year from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). Prevent violence by setting good examples – Demonstrate and teach displays of affection, attention, and how to say “I’m sorry,” and how to ask for, give, and accept forgiveness. All of these promote love and good will and reduce the likelihood of violence, aggression, and negative and destructive words and behaviors. Set limits for your children by letting them know what's expected, and noticing when they meet your expectations. Celebrate their successes with them. Try to avoid hitting, slapping, shaking, or spanking. Your children may copy you and think that it is OK to hit and hurt other people. Read, talk, and sing to your child every day - Start from infancy. Reading to children motivates them to become readers. It shows them the importance of communication and benefits their language development, thinking skills, and intellectual development. It provides a context to discuss issues and learn what is on your child's mind. It also provides an opportunity to “bond” with your child and build a closer more loving relationship. Monitor your children's "media" - Monitor very carefully what your children see and hear on television, in movies, in music, and on the Internet. Children are affected by what they see and hear, particularly in these times of violent images. If you feel that a movie or TV program is inappropriate, redirect them to more suitable programming. Be informed of what your children see or hear when visiting friends. Limit the amount of TV your child watches. Do not use the TV as a babysitter. Provide your child with a tobacco-free environment - Second-hand tobacco smoke increases ear infections, chest infections, respiratory problems, and even Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. If you smoke, consider quitting. Remember, your child loves you and will copy you - if you smoke, your children may grow up to be smokers too. Make your home and car smoke-free zones. Practice "safety on wheels" - Make sure everyone in the car is buckled up for every ride, with children in the back seat in age-appropriate child safety seats. All bikers, skaters, and skateboarders should wear helmets and other appropriate sports gear. Do a "childproofing" survey of your home - A child's-eye view home-survey should systematically go from room to room, removing all the "booby traps" that await the curious toddler or preschooler. Think of poisons, small objects, sharp edges, knives and firearms, and places to fall. Help kids understand tobacco, alcohol, and the media - Help your teenager understand the difference between the misleading messages in advertising and the truth about the dangers of using alcohol and tobacco products. Talk about ads with your child. Help your child understand the real messages being conveyed. Help direct your child toward TV shows and movies that do not glamorize the use of tobacco, alcohol and other drugs. Make sure immunizations are up to date - Review your child's immunization record with his or her health care provider. Make sure your child is current on recommended immunizations. Pay attention to nutrition - Nutrition makes a big difference in how kids grow, develop and learn. Good nutrition is a matter of balance. Provide foods from several food groups at each meal. Emphasize foods that are less processed, such as whole grain breads and cereals and fresh fruits and vegetables. Become more involved in your child's school and your child's education - Visit your child's school, and find out how parents can help. Whether you become active in the parent-teacher organization or volunteer in the school, parent involvement matters. Your child will notice how important education is to you. Make your children feel loved and important - Kids develop a sense of self-worth early in life. Listen to what your children have to say. Assure them frequently that they are loved and safe. Celebrate their individuality, and tell them what makes them special. Recognize every effort and increment of progress and improvement your children make. Do not compare siblings. Understand your child’s behaviors and emotions. Recognize that “hidden agendas” like acting up may be a cry for attention and help and not doing homework may be a sign of distraction, lack of understanding, or learning problems. |