The Family Support Council, Inc.
P.O. Box 1707, Dalton, Georgia 30722-1707
Serving Whitfield and Murray Counties in Northwest Georgia
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The Family Support Council, Inc. P.O. Box 1707, Dalton, Georgia 30722-1707 Serving Whitfield and Murray Counties in Northwest Georgia |
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"Ask Mr. Bartley" (A reprint of the bi-monthly "Ask Mr. Bartley" column in the Daily Citizen News, Dalton, Georgia) Tom Bartley is a retired educator and currently is the director of the Success By 6 Program, located at the Family Support Council, 1529 Waring Road in Dalton. He can be reached at P.O. Box 1707, Dalton, Georgia 30722 or successby6@email.com April 23, 2008 Visions of Hope for Healthy Youth is a group of concerned citizens including parents, business leaders, churches, schools, social service organizations, physicians, elected officials, teens, and others who are concerned about the health and well-being of youth in Whitfield and Murray Counties. Our vision is to chip away the barriers that might prevent our children from meeting their full potential. One of the major concerns in our community is how children spend time from 3:00 to 6:00 p.m. each day during the school year and how they spend their time during the summer months. Research shows that unsupervised hours between 3 and 6 pm is the peak time for children to make poor choices such as drugs, alcohol, promiscuous sex, crime, and other violent activities. May is Teen Pregnancy Prevention Month, so the first issue we will address is teen pregnancy prevention. Working in partnership with the Georgia Campaign for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention, we have begun a rigorous process of analyzing how this important issue impacts our community, including collecting data and gathering critical feedback from community leaders, youth workers, health care providers, and young people themselves. The United States has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the industrialized world, and Georgia ranks as one of the worst states (41st) in its adolescent birth rate. In Georgia, our two-county area is one of the worst in the state. Murray ranks 156th and Whitfield ranks 145th (out of 158 counties) in teen birth rates. Nearly 3 new teenage births occur each week in Murray County and 6 in Whitfield County. In addition, a recent study by the Centers for Disease Control found that 26% of all teenage girls have sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s). The CDC says the rate of STD infection among U.S. teen girls might be even higher than the study indicates because it did not look at syphilis, gonorrhea, or HIV infection since these generally are relatively uncommon in girls this age. Teen moms and their children are very much at risk: · Less than one-third of teen moms finish high school. · Teen moms are 21% more likely to give birth to babies born at a low birth weight. · Teen moms are more than twice as likely to abuse or neglect their children. · Children of teens are three times more likely to be placed in foster care. · Children of teen moms are 50% more likely to repeat a grade in school. · Daughters of teen moms are 22% more likely to become teen moms themselves, and sons are almost 3 times more likely to be incarcerated. · Teen moms and their children are more likely to live in poverty and to be on welfare. More than half of all mothers on welfare had their first child as a teen, and two-thirds of all families begun by a teen remain poor. The costs to taxpayers of this epidemic are staggering: · Teen childbearing in Murray County costs the taxpayers $2.6 million in 2004 alone. · In Whitfield it costs the taxpayers $6.4 million in 2004. Teen childbearing in Georgia costs Georgia taxpayers $344 million in 2004. These costs include $66 million for public health care, $44 million for foster care and other child welfare services, $65 million in incarcerations costs for the sons of teen parents, and $124 million in lost revenue due to decreased earnings and spending. (The above statistics are from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, the Georgia Campaign for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention, Georgia Kids Count, and the Georgia Department of Human Resources.) By working together, we can develop creative solutions to this challenge and help achieve the statewide goal of reducing the teen pregnancy rate by 15% in Georgia by 2015. To find out how you can help, please attend the Visions of Hope Teen Pregnancy Prevention Community Forum Thursday, May 8 10:00 a.m. – 12:00 p.m. Goodroe Memorial Auditorium Dalton State College. Visions of Hope will sponsor other workshops in the future on topics such as Internet Safety; Supporting Your Children’s Education; Tobacco; Drugs, and Alcohol; Choosing Your Friends/Peer Pressure; Self-Esteem; and Nutrition and Fitness. Please take the first step toward getting involved in this worthy endeavor by coming to the forum on May 8. Together, we CAN make a difference in the lives of our children!
April 7, 2008
Now is the time that school systems are registering
children for kindergarten in the fall. Many parents ask themselves, “Is my
child ready for kindergarten?” It’s important to remember that children grow
and mature at different rates. Not all children walk or talk at the same time
nor are they necessarily ready for
school
at the same time. Following is a checklist of developmental skills based upon
evidence of school readiness in children. It has been prepared with the hope
that
parents
will evaluate in a general way their child's overall pattern of development and
readiness for kindergarten. It is recommended that his tool be used as only one
measure of school readiness. These are simply guidelines. Other sources of
information include your child’s pediatrician, his preschool teacher if he is in
a preschool, the school where he will be attending kindergarten, or other
qualified professionals.
February 27, 2008 Giving chores to children teaches them responsibility, cooperation, and family teamwork and also builds self-esteem and a feeling of confidence. Regular chores establish helpful habits and good attitudes about work. Children who grow up perceiving chores as a normal part of life will flow into adulthood much easier than those without responsibility. Many parents, however, aren’t sure how and when to introduce chores to their children. Chores look different in every home. Some parents have specific “jobs” for family members to do every week. Others do not have weekly chores, but simply ask for occasional help making beds or setting the table. Choose age appropriate jobs for children based on their physical and mental capabilities. For example, a child who has mastered a complicated computer game will have no trouble emptying the dishwasher! Preschoolers can manage one or two simple daily jobs. Older children can handle two or three daily jobs along with one or two weekly jobs. Be sure to take time for “training.” Don’t assume that your child can do the job himself just because he has seen you do it. Be specific in your instruction, and demonstrate step by step as your child watches. Then, the next time let your child help you, followed by your child doing the core as you supervise. When you feel your child has mastered the job, he can be given responsibility for it. Children often need a visual reminder to keep them on track about chores. A list on which the child checks off the chore when they have completed it is one method to use. Here are some additional tips: Be patient. Young children are still learning to be helpful and cooperative. And their attention spans are still limited. So, as stated above, give chores that are realistic and appropriate for your child’s age. A young toddler, for example, cannot be expected to clean up an entire room full of toys. But you can still encourage cooperation and participation in chores by breaking this big clean-up job into smaller steps: “Jonathan, I really need your help. Let’s pick up all the red blocks and put them away. Good job! Now let’s go for the blue ones.” Start early. Like many things, this is one of those things that is most important to teach and enforce starting at a young age. When kids are into Barney (remember the song “Clean-up, clean up, everybody everywhere…. Clean up, clean up, everybody do your share…?), a “ten second tidy up” is fun for kids. Once kids hit adolescence, however, many habits are formed and difficult to change - and Barney doesn't quite have the same effect! Be realistic. Don’t give your child more responsibility than he can handle. If you ask your young child to help set the table, give him plastic utensils and paper plates in case he drops them. If your child wants a chore that involves caring for a living thing, such as feeding the family pet, you need to supervise closely, at least initially. Don’t expect perfection. If you ask your child to make his bed in the morning and the covers aren’t smooth, or the pillow isn’t centered, don’t correct his efforts. Instead, leave the bedcovers alone and focus on the fact that he cooperated and did his best. Dwelling on what isn’t right can leave a child feeling discouraged and not wanting to keep trying. Be playful. Young children are playful and love to have fun. All chores don’t have to be drudgery. Play music while you’re clearing the dinner table. Tell silly stories when you sort laundry. This can be an enjoyable time for you and your family. Use incentives. Have contests to see who can pick up their toys or clothes the fastest. As kids get older, incentives can include an allowance or a special outing or treat. Be encouraging. Let your children know that you appreciate their help. Words like, “Great job, Jimmy! You put your race cars back in the box!” go a long way in promoting cooperation. Children (and adults!) who feel appreciated are more |likely to want to keep helping. Build chores into their daily routine. Finding routines that work is part of a healthy lifestyle. Encourage your son or daughter to do chores at a regular time and before free or play time. For example, emphasize getting chores done (including homework) soon after they get home from school. Then they can watch their favorite show or surf the web. Match particular chores to the unique personalities of your children. For example, give a child who is extremely careful the task of unloading the dishwasher and putting everything back in its proper place. Give a son or daughter who enjoys being active and outside the task of raking the lawn. Or, give a child who likes to get messy the task of washing the car - better yet, join him or her and have some fun together! “Right size” the tasks. Be careful not to overwhelm your child or teen with too much. Make sure household tasks are matched well with their workload at school and extra curricular activities as well as being age appropriate. For example, during the school year give them less of a load than in the summer months. Our job is to help our kids blossom in healthy ways that grow them into healthy adults. Be a role model. Children learn by our example. Do some of your chores in front of your children and be sure to mention how good you feel when you do your share to take care of the house and help others. Your young child is just learning how to cooperate and help others. Be patient, supportive and realistic as he or she learns these skills. What follows is a list of ideas for you to choose from is assigning chores to your child: Ages two to three: Put toys away, fill pet’s food dish, put dirty clothes in hamper, wipe up spills, stack up magazines, dress self, pick out clothes given two or three choices Ages four to five: The chores above, plus make own bed, empty wastebaskets, clear table, pull weeds, water flowers, fill up cereal bowl, bring in mail or newspaper Ages six to seven: Above, plus sort laundry, sweep floor, set and clear table, rake leaves, keep bedroom neat, pour own drinks, handle personal hygiene Ages eight to nine: Above, plus load dishwasher, put away groceries, vacuum, make own snacks, put away own laundry, walk pet, pack own suitcase, help make dinner, run own bath or shower Ages ten and older: Above, plus unload dishwasher, fold laundry, clean bathroom, wash windows, wash car, do laundry, change bed, cook simple meal with supervision, watch younger siblings (with adult in the home) The idea is not to turn your child into a Cinderella (or Cinderfella). Keep your child’s age, ability, and personality in mind and select a few chores accordingly. Making chores fun is a life skill - one that will serve you and your family well for life. Taking difficult and disagreeable tasks and making them part of an energetic and joyful life is a big part of what living is all about. February 13, 2008 "I love you" are three words all children need to hear very often from their parents. Around Valentine’s Day, it seems appropriate to have a column on this topic. Do you want those words to have real meaning to your child? Do you want to use these words to develop a level of intimacy in your family that communicates your heartfelt affection for your children? If so, consider strengthening I love you with the following suggestions. This information is from an article by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose. 1.) Use eye contact. Give your children your eyes when you say, "I love you." When meaningful eye contact is made during moments of intimacy, it's a way of connecting that helps you bond. Use your eyes to “touch your child.”
2.)
Touch.
A pat on the back, a hug, or a high-five will add meaning to verbal expressions
of love. So will a slight squeeze of the shoulder or a kiss. Take your child's
hand in yours when you say, "I love you," and add a tactile component to your
words. Some children are auditory and need to hear the words "I love you." Others are tactile and need to be touched to feel loved. Still others are visual and need to see love on your face and in your actions. Why not give your children all three variations when you communicate your love? January 30, 2008 About 3.1 million people between the ages of 12 to 25 — or about 5 percent of the age group — have used over-the-counter cough and cold medicine to get high, a recent U.S. government survey found. In large doses, cough syrups and cold pills can be used to induce hallucinations, “out-of-body” experiences, or other effects, the report said. This type of abuse has been known for years, but the 2006 survey, conducted by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration or SAMHSA, sets out the best numbers to date quantifying the problem. In recent years, the Drug Enforcement Administration has cited the rising popularity of cough syrup “cocktails” — prescription codeine-laced cold medicine mixed with soda or sports drinks. With names like "Syrup," "Purple Drank" and "Lean," these concoctions first gained fame in Southern rap circles. As the trend spread to fans, teens started using the more readily available over-the-counter versions of cough suppressants. The report was based on interviews with almost 45,000 people ages 12 to 25. “The survey tells me that parents need to be very concerned about the over-the-counter medicines that they have in their medicine cabinet,” Dr. H. Westley Clark, director of SAMHSA’s Center for Substance Abuse Treatment, said. “And young adults need to be concerned about the effects that over-the-counter cold medications and cough medications have on their functioning.” Overall, the level of abuse of these drugs is comparable to levels of use of LSD, methamphetamine, or the drug ecstasy in this age group, the agency said. Among those ages 12 to 17, abuse of these drugs was most common among girls, while it shifted to young men among those 18 to 25. Nearly 82 percent also had used marijuana, the agency said. Among those surveyed who said they had misused one of these cough and cold medications in the past year, about 30 percent said they used a NyQuil brand product, 18 percent used a Coricidin product, and 18 percent used a Robitussin product. The cough suppressant DXM is found in more than 140 cough and cold medications available without a prescription. When taken in large amounts, DXM can cause disorientation, blurred vision, slurred speech, and vomiting. "While increasing attention has been paid to the public health risk of prescription drug abuse, we also need to be aware of the growing dangers of misuse of over-the-counter cough and cold medications, especially among young people," said Terry Cline, the agency's administrator. The above information is from MSNBC, the Associated Press, and Reuters. January 9, 2008 Inhalant abuse is a serious problem among young people. According to data conducted by the Partnership for a Drug-Free America, abuse of inhalants by middle school children has increased by as much as 44% over a two year period. Approximately 25% of eighth graders report trying an inhalant at least once. Fewer and fewer children are seeing the risk in experimenting with exhalents to get high. Commonly known as “sniffing,” “inhaling,” and “huffing,” inhalant abuse is the deliberate inhalation of fumes from common products found in the home. Inhalants are cheap, legal to purchase, and fast-acting. More than 1,000 common products can be inhaled for a quick, cheap high; and, even at the trial stage, they can cause brain damage or even sudden death to those who abuse them. Glue, shoe polish, nail polish remover, gasoline, spray paints, correction fluid, and magic markers are among the most commonly abused inhalants. The National Inhalant Prevention Coalition has a list of some of the products kids use to get high. Inhalants are breathed through the mouth or nose, sniffed, sprayed and huffed from rags, bags or balloons. They’re found in average homes, from the bathroom cabinet to the office desktop. Inhalants fall into four main categories: · Volatile solvents, such as gasoline, glue, paint thinner, nail polish remover, correction fluid and felt-tipped markers. Nitrates, often called “poppers” or “snappers.” · Gases, often found in medical settings, such as nitrous oxide (laughing gas), as well as refrigerants, butane and propane. · Aerosols, like those used in spray paints, vegetable cooking oil spray, deodorant, and hair spray. Regardless of the inhalant or method, huffing can lead to severe brain, liver and kidney damage; organ failure; hearing loss—and sudden death Both the most recent National Survey on Drug Use and Health and the latest PRIDE Survey of students in grade 6 through 12 show inhalant use rising at a statistically significant rate. Some highlights from the NSDUH survey, covering the years 2002 and 2003: · In both years surveyed, 8.6 percent of 12- and 13-year-olds they’d used inhalants. That’s 718,000 kids each year. · Kids who use inhalants are five times more likely to use additional drugs than other kids. · In 2003, more kids ages 12 and 13 chose inhalants than chose marijuana to get high. According to the PRIDE Survey, at the 7th and 8th grade levels, girls are almost as likely as boys to abuse inhalants. Among older teens, boys are more likely than girls to do so. Elementary school kids, some as young as fourth grade, also use inhalants. Harvey Weiss, Executive Director of the nonprofit National Inhalant Prevention Coalition (NIPC), says every child is at risk for inhalant abuse, but 11- and 12-year olds – sixth and seventh graders – seem to be the most vulnerable. Yet many parents of young children refuse to suspect – or even discuss – inhalant use. “They have to assume their kid might do this,” Weiss says. “But usually their comments are more like ‘my son or my daughter wouldn’t do that.’” Several organizations offer information for parents and tips on talking about inhalant abuse with children and teens on their web sites, including NIPC , the Consumer Product Safety Commission , and the partnership for a Drug-Free America. Weiss says that the amount of education children receive on the dangers of inhalant abuse varies widely from school to school, but that in general, it’s inadequate. One government-funded study found that while the percentage of teens who believe it is dangerous to smoke marijuana has gone up, the percentage of those who believe it is dangerous to use inhalants has gone down. Dr. Dave McDowell, senior medical advisor, The Substance Treatment and Research Service, Columbia University, says inhalants have a particularly shattering effect on the still-growing brains of 12 and 13 year olds. “You’re going to get some neurotoxic effects on developing brains, that evidence is completely clear,” McDowell says. The younger the child, the more severe the potential for damage and drug dependence. “The brains of kids are different from those of adolescents and adults,” says McDowell. Inhalants produce very brief, intense highs, a sign of how quickly they are absorbed and then processed by the brain and body. That can lead to repeated episodes of use in a single day. Prolonged use tends to produce dependence. Over the longer term, abusers show such signs as belligerent behavior, drowsiness, slow reflexes, muscle weakness, trouble concentrating, hallucinations, headaches, nosebleeds, hyperactivity, and/or sluggish behavior. For many adults, one of the scariest things to contemplate about inhalant abuse is that every episode could be fatal – the very first time a child sniffs or huffs could cause death. An estimated 50 percent of inhalant-related deaths are caused by Sudden Sniffing Death Syndrome, which occurs when the inhalant abuser is startled, causing the release of a burst of chemicals that trigger cardiac arrest While no parent wants to think his or her child could abuse drugs, the possibility is always there. Here are some of the signs of inhalant abuse: · Paint stains on the fingers or mouth · A chemical smell on the breath · Vomiting · Watery eyes · Poor muscle control · Confusion, and · Items such as shoe polish, spray cans, and solvents disappearing or finding empty containers in the child’s room. Dr. Li-Tzy-Wu, a social scientist and researcher with the Research Triangle Institute in North Carolina, says research proves the earlier a child abuses inhalants, the more likely he is to become drug dependent. Inhalants are easy and legal to obtain and don’t show up on common drug screening. The NPIC’s Weiss says the key to prevention is to face reality. “People don’t talk about it because they don’t think anyone’s doing it,” Weiss says. “But in the case of 12- and 13-year-olds, this is the drug they are using.”
December 26, 2007 With 2008 rapidly approaching, the following are parenting tips for a healthier, happier New Year from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). Prevent violence by setting good examples – Demonstrate and teach displays of affection, attention, and how to say “I’m sorry,” and how to ask for, give, and accept forgiveness. All of these promote love and good will and reduce the likelihood of violence, aggression, and negative and destructive words and behaviors. Set limits for your children by letting them know what's expected, and noticing when they meet your expectations. Celebrate their successes with them. Try to avoid hitting, slapping, shaking, or spanking. Your children may copy you and think that it is OK to hit and hurt other people. Read, talk, and sing to your child every day - Start from infancy. Reading to children motivates them to become readers. It shows them the importance of communication and benefits their language development, thinking skills, and intellectual development. It provides a context to discuss issues and learn what is on your child's mind. It also provides an opportunity to “bond” with your child and build a closer more loving relationship. Monitor your children's "media" - Monitor very carefully what your children see and hear on television, in movies, in music, and on the Internet. Children are affected by what they see and hear, particularly in these times of violent images. If you feel that a movie or TV program is inappropriate, redirect them to more suitable programming. Be informed of what your children see or hear when visiting friends. Provide your child with a tobacco-free environment - Second-hand tobacco smoke increases ear infections, chest infections, respiratory problems, and even Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. If you smoke, consider quitting. Remember, your child loves you and will copy you - if you smoke, your children may grow up to be smokers too. Make your home and car smoke-free zones. Practice "safety on wheels" - Make sure everyone in the car is buckled up for every ride, with children in the back seat in age-appropriate child safety seats. All bikers, skaters, and skateboarders should wear helmets and other appropriate sports gear. Do a "childproofing" survey of your home - A child's-eye view home-survey should systematically go from room to room, removing all the "booby traps" that await the curious toddler or preschooler. Think of poisons, small objects, sharp edges, knives and firearms, and places to fall. Help kids understand tobacco, alcohol, and the media - Help your teenager understand the difference between the misleading messages in advertising and the truth about the dangers of using alcohol and tobacco products. Talk about ads with your child. Help your child understand the real messages being conveyed. Help direct your child toward TV shows and movies that do not glamorize the use of tobacco, alcohol and other drugs. Make sure immunizations are up to date - Review your child's immunization record with his or her health care provider. Make sure your child is current on recommended immunizations. Pay attention to nutrition - Nutrition makes a big difference in how kids grow, develop and learn. Good nutrition is a matter of balance. Provide foods from several food groups at each meal. Emphasize foods that are less processed, such as whole grain breads and cereals and fresh fruits and vegetables. Become more involved in your child's school and your child's education - Visit your child's school, and find out how parents can help. Whether you become active in the parent-teacher organization or volunteer in the school, parent involvement matters. Your child will notice how important education is to you. Make your children feel loved and important - Kids develop a sense of self-worth early in life. Listen to what your children have to say. Assure them frequently that they are loved and safe. Celebrate their individuality, and tell them what makes them special. Recognize every effort and increment of progress and improvement your children make. Do not compare siblings. Understand your child’s behaviors and emotions. Recognize that “hidden agendas” like acting up may be a cry for attention and help and not doing homework may be a sign of distraction, lack of understanding, or learning problems. December 11, 2007 Christmas -- family gatherings, special traditions, delicious treats -- may be the most wonderful time of the year, especially for children. Unfortunately, for emergency room doctors it's also one of the busiest. Take time out to learn how to protect your little ones from some common holiday dangers, and you and your family can enjoy a season that's not only happy but healthy. The following information is from the American Academy of Pediatrics and the Kids Health website. Toy Safety
This year, more than 25 million toys and children's items have been recalled by the federal Consumer Product Safety Commission because of lead. Lead poisoning can be extremely problematic for children. Many of the dangerous toys were made in China, prompting calls for greater oversight of imported goods. The safest thing might be for parents to try to avoid toys and other items made in China. To check whether a toy is unsafe or to report a toy-related injury, call the Consumer Product Safety Commission at 800/638-2772 or visit their Web site at http://www.cpsc.gov Poisoning
Choking and Swallowing
Fire
Accidents
Have a safe and happy holiday season! November 28, 2007 I know it’s a little late for a Thanksgiving column, but here is some information I just found that I thought would be appropriate to share with you this holiday season and into the New Year. Millions of parents paused this Thanksgiving to do what the day was originally created for – to give thanks for the many blessings that exist in their lives. Turkey, pumpkin pie, and the presence of loved ones, I’m sure, received their fair share of gratitude during this annual ritual of appreciation. Many parents also gave thanks for their children's health, the arrival of a newborn, or a recent marriage. The abundance provided by the universe, opportunities for meaningful work, and the laughter of children were acknowledged with gratitude by loving parents as they thanked the Creator for their blessings. Indeed, this traditional holiday does, indeed, call for traditional thank-you’s. But what if your appreciation this year took on a new look? What if the blessings you counted included situations that aren't usually regarded as helpful, useful or valuable? Consider the following. Why not be thankful that your child is two years behind grade level in his reading ability? This struggling reader is giving you the opportunity to read to him regularly at night. This evening ritual will help build connectedness between you and your child while at the same time modeling your love for the printed word. Great literature like The Little Engine That Could or Make Way for Ducklings can be shared as you simultaneously bond with your child. This opportunity is an incredible blessing. Appreciate it. Why not be thankful that your daughter's soccer team lost their last game? It is important that your children have experiences of both winning and losing. By losing, children have the opportunity to learn to handle defeat and bounce back next time. With your help, they can learn that winning or losing is not the measure of who and what they are as human beings. They can learn they are more than the score. They can learn that it's effort, energy, and playing up to potential with good sportsmanship that defines a winner, not the scoreboard. Appreciate the opportunity the loss brings and be grateful for it. Why not be thankful that your teenager received a speeding ticked for going 45 mph in a 25 mph speed zone? Getting a ticket is not necessarily a bad thing…not if your teen learns from it and slows down her driving. If she takes personal responsibility, pays the ticket, and is more cautious about her driving, the ticket may well save her life or the life of someone else in the future. Bless the ticket and give thanks for its blessings. Why not be thankful that your 8-year-old shoplifted in the grocery store? This is the perfect time to teach your child about shoplifting. Better now than when he helps himself to someone else's car when he is 18. Teach him how to make amends. Teach him what to say as he returns the candy bars to the storeowner. Help him learn to articulate what he learned and what he intends to do differently next time. Bless this perfect time to teach lessons about taking things that don't belong to you. Be grateful for the opportunity. Why not be thankful that your youngsters track mud and sand into the garage and house? The next time you stand in the garage furiously sweeping sand and wishing that your children were better behaved; quietly remind yourself that one day you'll wish you had sand to sweep out of the garage. Love the mud. Love the sand. Be grateful for the signs of the presence of children in your life. Why not be thankful for sibling rivalry? "He got more than I did" and "It isn't fair" are common childhood refrains. Hitting, poking and teasing your sister are typical childhood behaviors. Bless these opportunities to help your children learn how to get along with each other. Use them as times to teach interpersonal skills and the importance of touching each other gently. Sibling rivalry can be a signal that your children need lessons on how to interact positively with each other. Bless their unskillful way of asking for help. Be grateful that you recognize it and help them grow in working and playing cooperatively. Why not be thankful that you got to stay home with a sick child last week? You didn't have to stay home. You got to stay home. You didn't have to take him to the doctor. You got to take him to the doctor. You got to make sure he received the health care he needed. You got to show him you care enough to drive all over town to the doctors, the pharmacists, and back home again. You got to be with your boy while he was sick. Not everyone gets to be with their children when they are sick. You did. Chalk it up as a blessing. Celebrate it. Why not be thankful that your adolescent asked you about oral sex? This is a great sign. It means your child trusts you enough to talk to you about sex. It means she is not getting all her sex knowledge from the street. It means you have been taking your role as sex educator in your family seriously and that you have moved beyond "the talk" to having an ongoing, honest conversation about the important subject of sex. Congratulate yourself. It is a blessing that you are willing to fulfill that role for your child and that she is responding to it positively. Give thanks. Why not be thankful that your 22-year-old has moved out of your home? Did you really want to raise a 30-year-old Nintendo player who sits around your house all day sucking up Coke and pizza? Hardly! Your goal was to raise a responsible, caring, confident child who would move away from home when the time was right for her. You have been successful. Pat yourself on the back. Yes, it would nice if she had chosen to spend this Thanksgiving with you rather than with her boyfriend's parents…but maybe next year. This year give thanks. Your child is a responsible adult. That is a blessing. Why not give thanks that your child is spilling milk, talking with his mouth full, wiping his hands on his new pants, refusing to eat his vegetables, and interrupting his grandmother at the dinner table? It means you have more work to do as a parent. It means your job is not yet done. This is a blessing. You are still needed to help your child learn to pour milk more carefully, improve his table manners, learn to eat nutritiously, and show respect for elders. Give thanks for these opportunities. Why not be thankful for your special-needs child? Do you have a child with ADHD? Is your son autistic or dyslexic? Does your daughter have Down's syndrome? Is your child facing a serious health challenge? Your children are in your life for a reason. Perhaps they have come to help you learn patience, understanding, or commitment. Perhaps they are here to teach your family about tolerance, acceptance of differences, or unconditional love. Their presence is a blessing. Be thankful for the contribution they are making to the planet and to your family. This holiday season remember that parenting is a ministry. It is a sacred role that you are being called to perform. Give thanks that you have been called. Give thanks that you are willing to step forward and accept that call. Appreciate that you are being shown the way. Celebrate yourself and your contribution to healing the planet by helping your children evolve into the people they were meant to be. You are a blessing to the world. Give thanks that you are up to the task. This article was written by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more information about how you can better meet your parenting needs, visit their websites: www.chickmoorman.com or www.thomashaller.com. I _ |